I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
