JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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