So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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