Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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