Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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