Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
