i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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