Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this just has baby written all over it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
