I cannot find my penis.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
