I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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