I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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