just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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