I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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