I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
