I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
