He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
