you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
