I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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