God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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