Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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