I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
