i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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