Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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