Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
