Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
