Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize