It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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