i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
