I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
