did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
