let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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