if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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