Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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