He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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