I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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