Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
