Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
