it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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