somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
