are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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