dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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