that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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