We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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