Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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