In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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