and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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