What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
