He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
