i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
