He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
