I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
