oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
