It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
