This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
