My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
