i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
