that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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