Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
whose parrot is this?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE