that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''