You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
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Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time