im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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