This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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