Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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