super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
