you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
