Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Randomize
