so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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