The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
