the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
