Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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