He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
