I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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