you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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