Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
