OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
