Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
