The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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