You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
