3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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