Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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